Growth beyond comfort | Nerd Fitness
Stephen Wilson Jr. was a scientist working for Mars, Inc. (Yeah, the Candy company).
One day his boss pulled him into his office and said something that changed his life:
“Stephen, you are about to be promoted.
Usually a cause for celebration, it was instead meant as a warning to his boss.
In a past life, Stephen was a guitarist in a small indie rock band. He also spent his evenings writing songs.
His boss knew that Stephen was a damn good songwriter and where he really belonged.
He told Stephen about the golden bonds:
“You’re in line for a promotion and they’re upgrading you to the next level.
And you’re kind of at a crossroads.
Because if you take (a promotion) like I did 30 years ago, your dreams of being a composer are gone. This one will absorb every bit of you.
Right now you can write songs and do this job, but in 6 months I’m not sure you’ll be able to do it. So I just want to warn you.”
That little voice in Stephen’s head that had been there for years and years became louder.
6 weeks later, with that inner voice now at deafening volume, he announced his 2 weeks notice, confusing each (except his boss and his wife).
He started bartending and waiting tables to make money while honing his craft, trying to get country music publishing deals…and getting turned down because he didn’t write “country bro” song:
He was told, “You write REAL songs. There’s nothing we can do about it…”
A few years later, after some modest success writing songs for other musicians, he finally gathered the courage, experience and influence to start recording his own songs.
And last year he finally released his debut album, Father’s sonwhich Rolling Stone called one of the best albums of 2023.
Recently, Stephen released a breathtaking cover of Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me” which I have listened to approximately 10,000 times in the past month.
(Seriously, please watch this video. It will give you goosebumps!).
Golden handcuffs vs inconvenient extensions
I also lived a double life from 2008-2010.
I had a day job at Sixthman helping promote and produce floating music festivals. But I also spent my nights and weekends working on a little website that helps nerds get fit.
My boss April and my mentor Andy (who owned the business) knew where my heart was; they encouraged me to chase the uncomfortable future of trying to incorporate Nerd Fitness into my career.
16 years later we’re still going strong!
At Oliver Burkeman’s Four thousand weeksinvites us to ask ourselves a specific question when making decisions in life:
“Where are you currently seeking comfort in your life or work when what is needed is a little discomfort?”
Asking ourselves “what would make me the happiest” is most likely to lead us to the short-term, comfortable and safe option.
Instead, we should think about which path will make us GROW as a person, or which version will cause us to shrink each week. Probably, deep down, we know the answer to the question if we have the courage to ask it.
Burkeman’s advice:
“Whenever you can, choose an inconvenient increase over a comfortable decrease.”
Yes, sometimes the pursuit of “inconvenient extension” doesn’t lead to a songwriting deal or a successful business. I chose the uncomfortable path and sometimes things don’t work out. But that’s part of the process and at least it removes the potential for unhealthy regret!
Which brings me to today’s mission.
Let’s settle for being uncomfortable
Let’s chase an inconvenient expansion in 2025.
- When we strength train, we force our muscles into discomfort by lifting heavier and heavier weights – they respond by growing and adapting.
- If we use food as a coping mechanism when we’re sad, angry, or bored, dealing with our relationship with food can be uncomfortable.
- When we have awkward conversations, we can finally deepen our relationships or stand up for things that are important to us.
In 2025, let’s ask ourselves:
Where in your life you live comfortably in comfort and safety when deep down do you know that the path of “uncomfortable expansion” is what you really need to grow and help you get what you really want?
You may not need to quit your job right away or go all out to pursue a new goal or change…
But it might be worth asking yourself that uncomfortable question.
Life is hard and change is harder.
Unpleasant.
Scary.
Chaotic.
But if you’re willing to say NO to comfort, it might be just what you need.
-Steve
PS: We are holding a free 5-day workshop for people who want to build new habits that will actually stick in 2025, it starts in a few days!
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