Being a parent at my age makes me think about someone else

So I came back. And it’s true, I had a child. I’ve been out for a month and have the chewed nipples to prove it. Eat your heart out, Mayor Pete. I guess that makes me qualified to rule Department of Transport. Speaking of trans…any man who thinks about wearing clothes in a wig makes you a woman, no way. I was there when that baby came out and no friend of mine could do that. You can also wear a diaper and pretend to be a baby or the president. But there are few things worse than having someone’s child in the media. And not just because you have to imagine them having sex, but they act like they’re the first people to do it, like they invented having babies.

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This is funny. A few years ago, many new parents were told that having children was selfish. How dare you bring another mouth among the starving billions? Then they have kids and suddenly their precious brats are the exception. They’ve gone from hating kids to having kids they can’t wait to transition to. I am even more surprised that some mothers can be pro-abortion. It’s like being biological Benedict Arnold. Because these mothers know that having children is the best thing for them. Except for the iron.

HE SAYS SEXIST!

But rather than endure the vilification of their diaper-denying colleagues for pandering to the patriarchy, they encourage women to abort the one thing that gives life meaning. Except for watching this show, of course. So what is the male equivalent? Well, imagine a boy earned a bronze star and says it’s not worth it. Sorry, that’s all he’ll remember on his deathbed. Well, that and an orgy with the cast of The Facts of Life. Yes, Charlotte Rae really knew how to party. Yes, I compare motherhood to war because it is.

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Women go on a nine-month tour of duty and end up so full of hormones and fatigue that it makes PTSD look like athlete’s foot. This is why we should treat mothers as conquering heroes. And the message from most libs? Don’t have children. But if we do, it’s because our kids will be better off than yours. Because in the mediawe act as if everything we do is of greater importance. But do you think my uncle Frank’s wife, who is a plumber, should take a month off at a time? Please. Three minutes after cutting the umbilical cord, this man had a plunger in his hand. I think he brought the piston to the birth just in case.

So I won’t brag. Seven billion people have passed this way. But if it shocks you to have a girlfriend in her 60s, imagine how I feel. When my wife said she was pregnant, the first diaper she had to change was mine. It’s not easy, but it’s not earth-shattering either. The lesson I learned is how much I have to learn. meaning, throughout my lifeI have mastered the art of being selfish and it has helped my career. But a great career isn’t difficult when you’re all about yourself. There are exceptions though. But if you work alone for ten years, you can get into any profession except porn, because in five years you’re already old.

Ask Trace Gallagher. It may be a silver fox, but when the rug matches the curtains, you’re done. So being a parent at my age forces me to learn from many of you You learned in your 20s30s and 40s – you should think about someone else. And it’s hard for me. My whole house has changed. Now someone else sleeps in the crib. But a wise man told me this – once you have a child, you can’t regret anything you did before, because changing the past will erase the possibility of that child. Maybe Alec Baldwin keeps having kids.

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It’s awesome. Suddenly, after 60 years of bad behavior, I have no regrets. So my message to you men and women. If you feel regret about your past, have children. Yes. Yes. It’s easy. Almost anyone can do it. And indeed, children practically take care of themselves. Mine currently sits outside in a double parked car. don’t worry. I rolled down the windows.